[music: my sniffing... :(]
[mood: not good.]



*sniff sniff*

not good.



really.


note: taglish post

I've been sick since the weekend, it's better today though, sinat na lang siya. bakit naman kaya ang sama parin ng pakiramdam ko.


no, it's not that...

it's just that... I feel different these days, like my life isn't supposed to belong here, like everybody's moving on, changing, and I'm stuck in the same state. I want to change, yet I dunno how, I know I could change, I could do things, I prolly just don't know where to start.


can somebody please help me?


nahihirapan ako mag express ng feelings ko...pero natatakot ako sa mga conequences na baka mangyari... kung di ko naman iexpress ung nararamdaman ko.... nawawala temper ko = nagagalit ako. At kung magalit man ako, un ung di magandang klase ng galit. Minsan, gusto ko na lang magpakaawa sa harap niya na tigilan na niya. Di ko alam kung naiinsecure lng ako o nagiging makasarili lang... if you could read between the lines, I pretty much think you have a better idea of what's going on. and to be gonest, I don't know why I am sitting around here writing all this stuff. I just feel like I'm going to explode.



I just don't know what to do.




you think you could help me?



i'm willing to provide further information privately...

Labels: emo, help, rant, sickness, taglish

[mood: at last! no classes!]
[music: Kitto Daijoubu- Arashi]


hah! hah! hah! I've been praying for this day to come. o_O (the hell, weird, I know :P) hey, I got to take a break, don't I? oh. sorry, I haven't updates since, well, forever. (wow, that's gotta be my favortie line)


I need help, I guess? not prolly because I've been lurking in the shadows for a while, but I'm in a mental distress. How hard can it be to frogive somebody? Isn't it that when you forgive somebody... you just have to let it go? I mean, it can't be that bad. well, at least not for me x.x

So, back to topic, if you have forgive a person, do you really have to say to a other people that that person is a hypocrite? Sure I'm still a bit mad at her, then there again she goes to accusing me of something I have forgetten, better yet, something I have never done.

I don't exactly know how to feel towards her. Hate her, pity her, fight her back, badmouth her again, or maybe just simply forgive her again. Should I ignore her? I know she's currently some dumb *toot* who needs attention. Forgive and forget, what do you think?

Honestly, I don't see why I'm posting it, maybe because I just wanted someone to confide this to. She said the letter (where she accused me and everything) was written a year ago. But since it was written "Dear 2-6", we can't believe. if it's a year ago, it should have been "Dear 1-6". *sigh*

So anyway, she told us "Sorry." and some of my friends, classmates we're all like. "Bahala na siya." or like.."Sorry sorry sa dyan, tapos nyang gawin yon." everything just makes me laugh. Maybe they just wanted to protect me or make feel better. But I feel there's more than that.


Biruin mong siraan ka sa harap ng mga taong kilala ka at ayaw sa kanya


I just can't help but feel irritated. I feel okay anyway. and the letter commotion has gone down. =]


Other people might ask why I'm only posting it now, I jsut wanted to cool off to myself before posting something like this. hah.




Perodicals next week. crap.



Btw, anyone uplaod YUI's My Generation, please?



I can't decided what to do three weeks from now, or wait, two weeks? prolly a dinner or merienda nlng... I don't want another lunch. if you know what I'm talking about anyway. *wink* (:

Labels: b-days, charo, emo, events, exams, rant, school, YUI

[mood: *tired*]
[music: none]

Maybe not too stressed as I used to. School's year got its own dissappointments and yey-s. Nobody could help it. right? I wasn't exactly going for the vice-chairman of the finance committee. but nobody's in control. right? *sigh* I did wish i was in the recreational committee. but life's got its own twist and turns, doesn't it? I didn't like our FL teacher as well.. for once, she doesn't scare me, she freaks me out! yes, I don't believe her. Okay. maybe she is fluent in Chinese but her attitude just doesn't suite me. I just hope her tests would be easy, then maybe I might start liking her.

Our classes' on the friggin fourth floor! can't you believe that?! on the friggin fourth floor!!!! *scream* I mean. the weather extreme-ness. I mean. the hotness and such. whew. I don't know what's happening to my post, yet I'm becoming soo.. I dunno.

So. Mrs. Borromeo's our adviser(sp?) *sigh* the same ol' person who advanced me at Math. yea, I guess there is an advantage which I dunno if I'm supposed to like or not. -sighsigh-

okay. believe it or not. I don't know what happening but I CAN'T F*CKING CODE MY YUI LAYOUT. my posts are overlapping. oh my. *tries to code again*

okay. now I did get the post right. now the post in every post are overlapping. can't this be any more harder?

on the other hand. I was surprised when Mrs. Aragon, our english teacher, told us to write a 250-word essay about ourselves on the second day, believe that? I know you do, I'm shocked, sue me. Writing something that long on a piece of 1/2 crosswise paper. pak.

Ms. Cherrie Tan is our Science teacher, and our supposed to be adviser but oh-well. Fun, she played a prank on us on her first day at our class, blaming us for trying to kill our adviser. XD I know ironic, right? :))

So right now, I'm doing my homework. yeah, can't get any more better. *sigh*


On how many stars have I wished you'd know.

Now I present to you....

YUI!


YAY!. okay, so I know it's scorching hot and you can't fucking take the heat. but hey~ in my blog. it's summer! you can't help me, can't you? oh well. :D so.. the coding was kinda hard and easy. but yeah. here it is. I know I must have included her rock-star side, but this is my favorite picture of her!! cause she's just KAWA-II! :D:D:D okay, so maybe I little problem about the division image.. but it's alright, right? tell moi whatta think :D


okay. that's all.. this is turning to a fuggin long novel. so yeah.. tata~!

Labels: layout, rant, school, teachers, weather, YUI

[mood: dilemaaa beby!]
[music: aircon o.O]


omgomgomg. I sooo wanna go to Allyson's invite to Laguna this Saturday but we have a freaking wedding to attend! nuuuu. I wonder what I am supposed to do. x.x any suggestions? x.x

we're not really that close with Achi Lenlen [the one getting married] but. but!!!! wahhhh!!! *runs around the corner and grows mushrooms.* I feel doomed over. I'm not the entourage or choorva whatever so I wanna go to Laguna. I'm spending my load on texting Maki and Ally about it. argh. Pretend I never knew there was a wedding ongoing. x.x

On the other hand, I have watched the Death Note: Live action movie months after I finished the manga. what do I say? THE MANGA ROCKS THE HELL YO. no kiddin. I lurve the manga of it over anything. :D soooo... yeah. xD I don't think I'll be watching the anime though... I dunno xD


We went to Subic last weekend.. well, as usual.. not much to see since all you do is go swimmiiiiing. yeah. xD I wanted to try the GoCart though.. but yeah. must be because "We're too goddang ell busy for that" heck heck. uhm... yeah. xD


AND I CAN'T WAAAIIT TO SEE MI NEW BABY TOMORROW. :D I was pertaining to the guitar I let mi cousin Kwini buy. nya!!! she said it's red and 1k and omgomg bochok bear [mi uncle] that it's pretty. so I literally can't waiiit. imma camwhore with it and mi sissy... puu desu~!



XD yes, I'm too high and forgive me. I was just tooo happy and fustrated atthe sametime. I think I overreact to the things that are happening around too much. sorry. too much sugar. x.x


hmmm.. what do I say more? I've been spending more time at Mom's office since ChiKwini and the Ch0orva bears are there as well... so it's kind of a hang-out place.. nya~ nice desu! :3

so yeah.. till here, I guess. xD





[edit] got tagged by Annah
nya! I did this on dA so.. you can check there but Imaa write different stuff. because I'm that weird. wahahaha!!!

The rules of the game is as following: The 1st player starts off by doing an journal entry on him or herself. The topic shall feature 6 weird habits/things about oneself. After you are done listing the six weird things about yourself, you must pick the next six people to be tagged, and you must leave a comment on their blog saying you've been tagged and tell them to read this.

[I'm not going to tag ah.. *LAZY!* :O]

1. I am a loud person. well, not the type that spills secrets over but I can shout without really shouting my lungs out. choorga.

2. I speak in an accent, i can put up fake accent if I want to.. but I usually alter them from time to time. nya~

3. I am in love with grilled foods. no kiddin.

4. I farngirlize 24/7 then forget them. kiddin :D I'll farngirlize for the rest of my life. [this is not understandable. I know. skip it. xD]

5. I play the guitar till my fingers hurt. I want to get them hurt. o.O

6. I scratch too much. I gt scars from sracthing.



-----




uhm, yeah, okay. Here's another version. if ever you wanna see it anyway. and the layout.. I dunno.. been too busy with work life.. so yeah, voting still open though. nah.. Imma do YUI. wahahaha. :D I was planning on doing DEATHNOTE though... but votes came through the last post.. so yeah. xD it's yui.

Labels: anime, emo, guitar, job, layout, rant, summer, swmming, vacation, YUI

[mood: alrighty right now]
[music: wala pa :P]

I was supposed to rant about what happend today, but I think I'd feel a bit better right now. :D

Thankies to Jellie-chaan ne~ I feel alot better bout reading your comment.

Ngayon alam ko na ang mali... sarili ko lang pala yun. Masyado cguro akong nagkakaguniguni kaya ganun :) Maybe I've been drained by my emotions di ko lang cguro natutunan ung tinatawag nilang looking on the bright side. :D Yesh, emotional kasi ako eh. So maybe people will really treat me in that way.

Maybe it's about time I'd learn to fight.

I'll fight. :)

yeah. felt better. mwaaaaaahz. :D

BTW. two more episodes and Black Cat's done! I'm sho sho. Happy. It's really rare I've liked the main character, no, really-- I like Train, neeee~ :D:D:D:D

I feel bouncy all of a sudden, like my whole life's gonna change. :O no wait, it's jsut me. -_-

nyahaha.. This is my 100th post! so I'm making it bouncy~ no, just kiddin ;D I really feel bouncy. I dunno if it's the decision about learning to fight.. naahh..

but of course, I will. :D


[grabe, emo-z ko! :P]

Labels: anime, black cat, emo, rant, summer

[mood| I felt like ranting o.o]
[music| Dragonfly- Hitomi Shimatani]

so yeah, last night, I closed up my LJ. think there's going to be a lot og ranting right now. I feel like doing so O_o

well, for startes, think imma rant about myself yeah. sure-- I could have been a whole lot of a bitch to you-- but I don't think it matters right now, doesn't it? heh- Probably I'm just coming to the conclusion I've been such a stupid girl since last week. Last week? I don't know why. = = yep, I'm confuzzling, I know. I must be boring you again. *sighsighsigh* gah. this will never come to a stop, won't it? I mean, come one, right now, who gives a damn shit about who I've been? I've been- yea, So maybe now you're thinking what's gotten into me o_o yes I know I'm that-- ughness but then-- who accounts? [Gad, what am I thinking?!]

okay, I'm sorry about the fuzz-- guess I felt a little better right now, someone mind shooting me? I don't mind. I guess my retarded mind right now has taken over.

I should make a new layout, don't you think? >.< neeh. I started drawing again these days, [yes, i produce crap, sue me. :P] haha~ I don't know-- probably it's all the influence from dA or what o_O I've been speechless these past few days.


wtf-- it's quarter to eleven and I've got AdM session at 11. o.o maybe I'll type this thing quick. = =

and a response to Gray's Blog..

Well yeah, I think so too- the politicians in here, i mostly think, doesn't really give a damn about our current situation-- [okay, so sorry I've gotten myself into this though recently] but then, now who gives a shit about their advertisements promoting their platforms and etcetera. It's like-- hello?! I don't think teh voters are that blind-- well, you know. Maybe some people could get a BITTAD blind- but hello~ like as if you're actions ain't known to the press- really now, who gives a damn shit about those f*cking plans and such. Maybe you could consider a lil bit here, mr. senator or whoever-you-might-be.

But I'll admit, many people right now are freaking blinded by poverty and hunger. They'll just like-- don't care whether their votes reach the proper person or not. and some people are too dumb to be fooled by money, they sell theirselves into politicians and do dirty voting stuff. I don't know how this world's gonna change- but then who would care right now? Maybe a poor lil woman on this only wants bread or leftover food and she'll be happy as anyone could be.

Well to be honest, I don't mind whatever I spoke goes to vain. but come on, Don't politicians have other things to do than want for the influence and priority?! gawd, priority myass! that's goddamn selfish. really. it. is. selfish. well, stupid or however i sound, i couldn't really care less. but then, who gives a damn?

gawd. I need to get ready for my AdM lessons. thanks for hearing me out?


I got the Black Cat dvd from Bebang bear last night-- omgwtfbbq alaaav j00~! <3 I've watched the first three episodes and it's awesome *_* will be watching more~

Labels: anime, black cat, lessons, politics, rant, summer, vacation

[mood: still tired o_O]
[music: Rolling Star-YUI]

Woah o.o I've been cleaning up my life in the past view days. Including my online life. haha! I don't want to wake up one day and say "omg. I've got four journals to update." that's waaayy too off my league -_- hah! and I've shut down the dA and Multiply journals. To be honest, this is the only thing I'm updating riight now. ^_^ errr, yeah =]

On the other hand, I've started working up on my Mom's Lab-- this would practically mean less online time, and less free time *sigh* I got Advanced Math lessons Monday to Friday 12 till 2. o.o I can manage though, since I like Mrs. Borromeo n.n So yeah.. that's mainly how my life is going in... I'll be getting music lessons tomorrow, SWEET~!

I've also got my Bleach cds burnt~! yay! I'm stuck on 109 soo yeah. can't wait to see Giiiiiin <3 and I've been reading the TRC manga. I've met Kamui =] *dieees* =P

I. want. my. Bleach. cds. burnt. and. returned. now.

If ever that happens, I'll be watching 109-120.. *ultra-bleach-fandom-mode* Somebody must shoot me now


------
Short dA meme =]
Got tagged by ~stardustdream =]

[it's long, so you can skip this =] I don't mind at all.. go comment now]

1) What is your full name?
Nicole Antoniette S. Balisi

2) What are your favorite colors?
Black, orange, red, gray, white,

3) What kinds of Anime do you like?
Pretty much everything... as long as I like the grpahics and the plot's good, i'm ready to go =]

4) What do you usually do when you get bored?
Get to my PC and do something... or pest somebody ;D

5) What is your favorite soda?
Royal-- although I'm banned from Soda -_-

6) What kind of guys/girls do you like?
Hm... thoese sort of doods and dudettes who can get along with me =)

7) What would you do if your brother or sister bothers you?
Uhm, they musn't dare >D

8) What's your favorite animal?
I don't like animals x.x

9) What time do you go to bed?
around midnight or so.. I loiter around the house for a bit haha

10) What is your favorite day of the week?
Fridaaaaaaay, beby

11) What kinds of stuff do you do on the weekends?
Music stuff, uhm, online stuff, and uhm... other stuff XD

12) What job would you want when you're older?
Photographer... or some sort of media person o-O

13) What are some things that you liked in the past?
Toys? every kiddo likes toys, riight =]

14) What is your favorite body part?
my hands.. I guees

*****

(The 'HOW's)

15) How many fan characters do you have?
many. many. many

16) How do you say your username backwards?
31eehsay [wtf?!]

17) How old are you?
13

18) How good can you draw?
I draw crap o.o

19) How long can you run?
haven't tried timing me-- I could run for two hours.. I guess o.O

20) How tall are you and your main fan character?
I'm 5'1'', somebody care to shoot me? I'm too short. = =;;

21) How many languages can you speak? Can you try them?
Tagalog [ Filipino ], English, lil bit of Fokien and Mandarin. [I just don't get myself] and the lil bits of Jap

I'll ty them later =P

22) How many Anime DVDs do you have?
I don't own, I borrow! 8D [credits to Val for every anime DVD I've watched]

23) How many years have you liked Sonic?
*passes out* o_O

24) How many times do you play Sonic games?
*still faint* o-o

25) How many pets do you have so far?
no pets.... just fishes, would that count? =P

(The 'WHO's)

26) Who is your favorite DA Family member?
minna? :)

27) Who is your most favorite dubbed Anime actor?
Animax dubbing sucks, really, that's my honest honest opinion =)

28) Who do you want to be if you were in an Anime Cosplay Convention?
I wanna be Yoru-chaaaan or prolly Yuuko, Rinko isn't such a baad baaad choice. *shoot*

29) Who are your favorite Sonic characters?
dunno. o.O

30) Who lives with you in your house currently?
moi, 2 sissys, my bro, 2 maids, and teh fishes. -_-

31) Who do you usually play with, if he/she comes over to your house?
Makiii!! haha =P kiddin, my friends, opcourz. :D

32) Who do you want to be like?
o.O my oc. lol.

List ten things that bring you joy, then tag ten more people to do the same.

1. God.
2. Family. [+ my cousins ah!!! :P]
3. Friends.
4. Anime.
5. Music.
6. moi's Camera.
7. fanfics [no yaoi please =]]
8. YUIII.
9. Jpop.
10. This public journal


*****

(The 'OTHER's)

33) Have you ever made your own Sonic Heroes team of your own fan characters?
this is the third question related to Sonic. wtf.

34) Do you have any websites?
uh-huh...

35) Have you called your friends on the phone or cell phone?
duhh?

36) Where do you want to live when you grow up?
Anywhere comfortable =] whether Asia or in London

37) Have you done anything bad in the past?
everybody does, don't they?

38) If your computer has problems, what would you do?
First, try to fix it up, if I can't, call my mom to call our family friend to fix it up lol

39) Name your favorite sports.
Swimming, running, badminton, soccer

40) TAG!
I'm tagging YOU! =P

Labels: anime, job, lessons, meme, rant, summer, tsubasa, vacation

[mood: MEGA-SUFFERING. T-T]
[music: *passes out*]

zzZZZZzzzzZZ ARGH.

ARGH.ARGH.ARGH.ARGH.ARGH.

): I just hated the after-effects of swimming. ): no, not sunburn, more severe after-effects. D:< I'm suffering from this stupid sicknesss which makes you have an hourly trip to your white throne. /sob/sob/ I hate this damn fricking sickness, and I've been feeling dizzy all day today due to this monthly event of mine. I'm stuck on this damn computer chair hoping I don't need to make a trip in the next two hours. hoping. hoping. hoping.

Why stay in the computer? asking? =] I'm tranferring images from the camera to C0opie. hmmm.. I should upload more Deviantations soon. teehee, maybe later. >.< So yeah... I just friggin felt my stomach grumble-- please.. not now yeeet.

Okay-- so... Last Thursday- up to Saturday, we went to a Laguna resort and swam ourselves up. *slaps forehead* I forgot to mention it waaaaaaaas a fuuuuuun blaaaast :p [oh no, don't tell me my suffering's making me hyper *gets 5 shot*] anyway-- for Thursday, we arrived and the pool's not yet full [yup, private resrort, dearie] so... we waited, I believe we arrived at around 5? so yeah.. around 30 minutes later, which is around 5:30 or so in the afternoon-- and the sun is down, YAY US! *ahem ahem* so yeah.. there, we started playing in the pool. Touch 'it' I guess, or mataya-taya uhm.. so yeah, then later.. we'd get out of the pool every five minutes or so to have some grilled tahong trips. *drools* [don't worry, I've promised myself never to eat too much tahong again] D: making me have this stoooopid sickness. D:

so yeah-- next day was pretty much the same.. although I really like the weather that Friday, good for swmming :) we had halo-halo for merienda and there you go-- dripping ourselves in cold-ish weather.

Saturday-- we stopped at around noon and just watched ouran :P *stomach grumble* *slaps cheeks* ARGH. so yeah... I guess that's pretty much it.

haaaaah. I know it's a freaking loong post. so yeah. /swt/ Hope I didn't bother you too much. *sigh sigh sigh*

I've taken a break from portrait photography since all of the models are going to Taiwan /haiiiz/ now.. go for stock photography~! yaaaay! XD

so anyway.. I might not uplaod the piccies immediately but here..

Laugan trip

taataa~!

EDIT:I wrote this offline yesterday... so yeah, but I coudln't post since I ran out of load. XD gomene... anyway.. here I am.. feeling oh-so-better :) el-bee-em's goone =))

Labels: anime, ouran, pictures, rant, sickness, summer, swmming, vacation

[mood: WANTING AND EXCITED 8D]
[music: Key of Heart- BoA]


OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I AM SOOOO FREAKING HYPER.

Chikwini, bochok bear, Micheal, and bebang bear went to get thier hairs wild. [ps, they're my relatives] *gets shot* I want pink hair you know. *sobsob* I should start collecting wigs, hah~ I don't know why the though but I JUST WANT AN ALTERNATIVE, so yeah, I know I'm actually being naive, you think so, too?

gahh-- just talked to Chikwini, and I heard she got the lower part on a color... I forgot? I think she's gonna go for blue. I want a FULL PINK hair. 8D I dunno-- maybe somebody cares to give me a WIG? I'll get you featured. first time I'm ever gonna do that >D anyway--

I'm reading TRC manga. *diiieeees* Sierra slash Ryua-kun etou--- gave me this oh snderful LINK TO THE ONLINE UPLOAD MANGA. *dieeeeeees* I have died many times. I dunno how many times I should die more till I finished this post. hahaha XD Okay-- anywaay.. as I have been saying, I've been *coughcough*reunited*coughcough* to my dear *cough*fye*cough* XP and this time, I believe it's gonna be different hahaha. [okay, I'm being sarcastic, I knooowwww]


So, this is a 'lil announcement, the thing that's making me all-so excited. hah! I'll be out for tomorrow till Saturday sob, that's right, I'm not sure if I'll be able to see the dear oh-so-wonderful arashi perform as MS anyway-- I'll catch you people on 8 or 9 so yeah... buh-byeesss-- watch out for me (:

hahaaaaaaaa *jumps* am over excited. *squeal*

PS: Anon beats Roberto, riiiigggghttt? =] he does. he does. he does. he does XD

so yeah.. tata!!

Labels: anime, anon, fye, hair, rant, roberto, summer, tsubasa, ueki, vacation

[mood: unexplainable. D:]
[music: Life- YUI]

Nothing comes for free nowadays.

yeah, right? argh. So.. let me friggishly get straight to the point. I want lessons. gah. yep, friggin guitar lessons. and my mom's all.. "Ok. basta magbabantay ka..". so I agreed. then she friggin asked me for a SCHEME! aaaaargh. I still need to take care for that? While I won't need those if I get swimming lessons. that- is. so. different. Gah. I feel sooo.. freakin' different. ugh.

Okay, you might be all-like. "wth? why not get some lessons from the internet.. liek study by yerself?". So I'm getting straight, I'm practically not the type to have some self lessons. in short, I'm not a self-learning person. yeah. SCREW THAT. but yeah, I just felt kinda bad. If only I can manage some money from other sources to provide myself a php4400. *wide grin* yeah, whatever, never mind. I'm licking up myself for a new goal. wah.

So I can't believe another thing. YUI just released her NEW ALBUMMM!!!. So, my instincts are practically telling me to click at yesasia and get a frickin money-- but I'm broke. DX

gAH... I've been wanting alot for myself these days. I am drowning myself. This is baaaad. real. bad. DDDD:

I've been drowning myself as well in Sano-kun.. hahahahaa I just love him. Oh, can somebody please send me a dvd of Prince of Tennis? I wanna watch it. I just can't catch up with Qtv. gaaah. I'm not liking television programs nowadays. DX

anyway... i've got a 'lil drill for you today :D I got from Kimie's LJ [link] I forgot the link honeslty, please somebody tell me if it's wrong. XD

so yeah, here it is:

If you are reading this, if your eyes are moving over these words at the moment, please post a comment. A memory about you and me. Even if we don't speak that often. It can be anything. Good or bad. And when you're done, put this on your journal (if you like) and be surprised (or shocked) of the things people remember you.

so yeah.. go comment! >.<

Labels: anime, lessons, meme, rant, sano, ueki, vacation, YUI